No Pain!

I started radiation on Thursday and had a lot of pain Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I spent much of each day in bed. I don't know if the radiation made me so tired, if it was the pain, or the pain killers to alleviate it. Today, I woke up and felt much better. The pain in my hip is almost non-existent. It hasn't felt like this in weeks or months. Funny how the absence of pain makes you so happy. I took that for granted for a very long time. I am hopeful that this is a new and on-going development and not just the eye of the hurricane. I think we will do something as a family today and get out of the house. I had to reschedule my bone scan and ct scan for Friday July 2, so we will see how that goes next week. I hope all is well with all of you and my prayers are with you. I have posted a new writing on the tab above today for all that are interested titled Acceptance and Humility.
All my best.
Brian.

Today's Doctor appointment

Back to the oncologist today to discuss the latest blood test results. PSA has risen to 13.7. This was after being on Casodex for a month and then off of Casodex for a month on withdrawal therapy. The cancer seems to be completely Hormone Independent. The next step will be to search for the availability of Provenge. This is the newly FDA approved Prostate Cancer treatment. It is only offered in a few places and generally has a waiting list. Once we find out if I can get this treatment, I will go on Ketoconozale with Hydrocortisone. I can’t do these at the same time, so I will only do the Ketoconozale if I have to wait on the Provenge. The next step would be Chemo. I will see the Radiation Oncologist tomorrow to map out radiation treatments for my right hip which has grown increasingly painful over the last 2 weeks or so. I also will get a Bone Scan and CT Scan on Thursday and hopefully will have preliminary results on Friday. Say a prayer that the “indeterminate” spots on my liver and lung are unrelated and have not changed or grown. Those are big concerns. We will continue to search and fight. I am still working with the Kelley Pancreatic Enzyme Therapy. We will add some of the juices from the Gerson Therapy, also. Some may call it denial, but it is only denial if you quit fighting and hope you get better doing nothing. We are hoping for big improvements, by working hard. Hope all is well with all of you.
Brian.

Why I Try

Through this treatment of cancer, it is always interesting to talk to and correspond with others going through similar trials. For every patient, the treatment varies slightly. Even though conventional treatments for cancer follow a well defined and researched path, patients always put varying degrees of emphasis on spirituality, diet, nutrition, supplements, attitude, outside support, etc. What also seems to vary is the desire to fight and the reasons for it. Some that have lived a long, full life may have an acceptance of their disease that others, stricken at an earlier point in their life, refuse to acknowledge. With 2 young children and a dear wife trying to juggle these seismic changes, I put myself in the latter category. Some diagnosis, regardless of age, are so dire that it leaves few options but to “put your affairs in order”, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Again, while I am not having much fun with my diagnosis, I do have the luxury of options and time. Time to reflect. Time to research. Time to repair. Time to Fight. It is too simplistic to say that I fight for self preservation or fear of the unknown when this life is done. Of course, those things are true. My faith allows me to worry a lot less about life after this one, but it also teaches me that this life is precious. Something to be defended and protected. I think the biggest reason of “Why I Try” is the love that I have for others and the love that they have for me. If the last example I can leave for my children is that I would not give up, not doing as I say, but do as I do. Sometimes the victory isn’t always only in the outcome, but the dignity, grace, and valor of the battle. I want my children, my wife, my family, and my friends to know that I love them enough to fight with every ounce of energy to win this war and remain with them until God calls me home, not just until it gets too difficult. The love and support given to me give me strength to try new treatments, as alternative as some of them are, because if there is a chance, I owe it to myself and all of you to endure to the end and make this life all it is supposed to be. When my time is up, I will know. It’s not my time. That is why I try.