Why I Try

Through this treatment of cancer, it is always interesting to talk to and correspond with others going through similar trials. For every patient, the treatment varies slightly. Even though conventional treatments for cancer follow a well defined and researched path, patients always put varying degrees of emphasis on spirituality, diet, nutrition, supplements, attitude, outside support, etc. What also seems to vary is the desire to fight and the reasons for it. Some that have lived a long, full life may have an acceptance of their disease that others, stricken at an earlier point in their life, refuse to acknowledge. With 2 young children and a dear wife trying to juggle these seismic changes, I put myself in the latter category. Some diagnosis, regardless of age, are so dire that it leaves few options but to “put your affairs in order”, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Again, while I am not having much fun with my diagnosis, I do have the luxury of options and time. Time to reflect. Time to research. Time to repair. Time to Fight. It is too simplistic to say that I fight for self preservation or fear of the unknown when this life is done. Of course, those things are true. My faith allows me to worry a lot less about life after this one, but it also teaches me that this life is precious. Something to be defended and protected. I think the biggest reason of “Why I Try” is the love that I have for others and the love that they have for me. If the last example I can leave for my children is that I would not give up, not doing as I say, but do as I do. Sometimes the victory isn’t always only in the outcome, but the dignity, grace, and valor of the battle. I want my children, my wife, my family, and my friends to know that I love them enough to fight with every ounce of energy to win this war and remain with them until God calls me home, not just until it gets too difficult. The love and support given to me give me strength to try new treatments, as alternative as some of them are, because if there is a chance, I owe it to myself and all of you to endure to the end and make this life all it is supposed to be. When my time is up, I will know. It’s not my time. That is why I try.

Its been a little bit since I've written. Since my 40th Birthday "Surprise" Party, I had to fly out to Salt Lake for a couple of days and then we went to Florida for a week to visit some good friends and do a little fishing before the dreaded oil slick makes it's way around the state's beaches and reefs. All of us were able to catch up with some great people that we truly miss from our time there. We have kept ourselves busy and so far, I seem to be holding up pretty well. The party was a great success and meant a lot to us. It was so nice to see family and friends, some that I had not seen in quite a long time. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to be a part of that celebration. It meant a lot to me to visit with all of you.
On the treatment side, the PSA continues to climb and went to 9.9. This was up from 7.7 only 2 weeks prior. The doctors decided to stop the Casodex that I was taking. Casodex works with the Lupron to eliminate testosterone production. It primarily targets the adrenal gland production. By stopping it, they hope to confuse the cancer and slow it's growth. This works in some people for 1-3 months. If it does not work, or when it stops working, we will be on to secondary hormonal therapy. Chemo is still in the picture, but we will try other things before we get to that. The new treatment, Provenge, will likely be tried before we get to Chemo, as well. We were looking at radiation on my right hip, but it surprised me by not hurting nearly as bad as I thought under a good test of fishing and playing golf in Florida, so I hope to keep from going through that until winter. We continue the dietary restrictions and Enzyme Therapy, but won't know for a few months about the results. If my energy and lessening of pain are any indication, the results are very promising! Sorry again for the long break in updates. We intend to enjoy every minute of this summer and sincerely hope that you will all do the same.

All my love,Brian.

New Spin off Blog!

I have been writing some things for my kids lately that talks to them about what I think is important in life. Some that have read them have told me that these writings may benefit others as well. Since it would be hard to manage this on the same blog, I will be posting them on a sister site, http://allthatiwantforyou.blogspot.com/ . It is also listed as the first link on this site. It will just be essays of these writings as I put them on paper. I hope that they will assist some of you that travel the same or similar path as I do. My intent is not to be preachy or all-knowing. It is just to let people close to me understand my thoughts on important life issues.

As always,
thanks for reading.
All my love,
Brian.

Chicago

Teresa and I went to Chicago last weekend to see a Cubs game. I have been to Fenway and old Yankee Stadium with my brother Greg, but never had seen a game at Wrigley. We had great seats and it was a lot of fun to see that stadium. I also made it out to see Mark Knopfler (former lead singer of Dire Straits) with my buddy Dave. It was a great show. Dave and I used to see every major concert that would come through St. Louis, but hadn't seen a show together in 20 years. Both were a whole lot of fun! I still firmly believe that we can beat this thing, but I know it is a difficult path. That is why I stop and smell the roses, or see the concerts, or even go to see a Cubs game that the Cardinals are not playing in. Procrastination doesn't work for me anymore. If the opportunity arises for something I have always wanted to do, within reason of course, we find a way to do it. We are in the process of switching up our treatment plan. I have an appointment with the Oncologist today followed by a Pamidronate infusion for the bones. This will factor in to where we are headed, but we are already starting to pursue an enzyme therapy that is showing good results for others. Nothing else is working, so the search continues. We feel good about this approach and, while there are never guarantees, we believe that I can be healed. We just need to align a few stars and planets. This treatment can be found by googling Dr. William Donald Kelley or the Kelley Therapy. Dr. Nick Gonzolas uses a similar one in NY, but this is the original and the real deal. We will also add the juicing of many vegetables to this for an assault of good nutrients and enzymes. The idea is to put my body in the strongest position to fight. The Kelley enzymes remove the protein shield from the cancer cells allowing it to be recognized and attacked. We are also praying very hard right now. Spirits are generally up, along with the pain in my hip and back, but many others have been stabilized or healed. No reason to think I can't join in the fun. We will also talk to the doctor today about Provenge. Some of you have sent emails about this newly approved treatment and we are excited about it, too. Unfortunately, it only provides a delay of about 4-6 months, and not a cure. But if we can use this delay to allow other treatments time to take hold, maybe we can spin it into a real miracle. I will post tomorrow about the results of todays appointment. As always, take care. I love you all and will post soon.

PS - For those interested, the News and Exciting Developments tab of this blog have an invitation to a party on Saturday May 8. Any and all are invited. I hope some of you can make it. Just email an RSVP to brianpca4@gmail.com.

B.

Last week was a little trying. The residual effects from the surgery continued to make it difficult to sleep and generated a fair amount of pain. The pain killers worked pretty well, but made me very tired. The last couple of days has been much better. The pain is letting up and I slept really well last night. I still have the pain in my hip and back. Sometimes it is a dull ache, but other times it can be an uncomfortable stabbing pain. Fortunately, for now, it is of the dull variety. I did get out yesterday and did a little fishing in the rain. Didn't catch anything, but had fun anyway. The distraction and reduction in pain helps my mood and view dramatically. I will go back to the doctor tomorrow to follow-up on the surgery. I expect that things will go well as the symptoms have decreased alot lately. Then on May 4th, I go back to the oncologist for blood work, etc. I will have to talk to her about the direction we will go for the advancement in the bones. Hope all is well with all of you. I will post more early this week.
B.

Bone Scan

We finally received the bone scan comparison and it is not as good as we hoped. The cancer in the hips, sternum, and spine has continued to grow and spread. It has moved into my right femur as well. We are looking at a few options and will know more soon. Sorry for the brief update.
Bria​n.

Little bit of a whirlwind over the last week or so. We met with the Surgical Urologist on Monday April 5th and he recommended a procedure called the GreenLight Laser. It is usually for Enlarged Prostate to alleviate constricted urinary symptoms. We decided on Wednesday April 7th. I went in to Barnes-Jewi​sh Hospital early on Wednesday and the procedure went well. The Prostate wasn't as large as they thought it might be, so there wasn't as much roto-rootin​g as they planned. Kind of a good news, bad news thing. The tumor has spread to the bladder and looked like an enlarged prostate, but really it is just one area encompassin​g both. They used the scope to determine that the cancer had not penetrated the bladder wall from the outside in (good news). The biopsy on that tissue should come back early this week. I ended up with a catheter and had to spend Wednesday night in the hospital. Miserable. I was very happy to be paroled the next morning. It stayed uncomfortab​le for the next few days, but seems to be getting better each day. I am writing this at 3:45 am because my hip and back pain have returned and even with the pain meds, I can't sleep. I'm hoping this is a temporary problem. I did receive the Lupron injection on Monday April 5th and will know in the next week or so if it is helping or not. Also scheduled for a bone scan on Monday April 12th. The CT Scan said that it looked like the bone mets had increased so the bone scan should answer that definitivel​y for us. A prayer or two on that one would help. Things seem to be settling down on this treatment, but that test is a game change​r if it isn't good. All for now. Hope all is well with all of you. Will post bone scan results as soon as I know.
Brian.