Latest CT Scan

The PSA should come back tomorrow, but my bet is that it is in the range of where we were 6 weeks ago. The CT came back as "No significant changes to Feb 18th Scan". These are welcome words because they indicate that the chemo is keeping the lid on the cancer. It did not seem to decrease this time, but soft tissue and bones are stable as of today. I was a little surprised because I have had quite a bit more abdominal pain lately. I attribute it to the labor that we have had to do in remodeling our new home in St. Louis. The only concern is that it is not muscle aches in arms and my back, it is deeper abdominal and bladder pain that had been associated with a progressive disease a few months back. So the scan helped put my mind and my wife's mind at ease, a little, for now. Someone I know said his doctor appointments, while good lately, are like getting little 3 month slices each time the doctor says "No significant change". It is good news, but tempered with the thought of what lies over the next hill. That is why today was a little confusing for me. Undoubtedly good news, but not the exuberance of previous good news. No one knows when their time is up, and for some it happens suddenly. I feel fortunate that I have time, whatever the outcome, to try to understand this, put some things in place, and hopefully share some meaningful experiences to those that may have the misfortune to follow after me. Today, even with the good news, I am trying to accept that I have a reprieve for at least a few weeks before things progress. That is something we all fight for is a chance for a new treatment, maybe a cure, or maybe just a long enough delay to live a near normal length life. But the cancer robs the ability to live a normal life. It is many doctors appointments, side effects, pills, hair loss, injections, infusions, indignities, walking a line with everyone to maintain a regret-free existence, short term plans, etc. Those that know me will know that I am not complaining. This is my place to ponder and come to terms and decisions on where my life is and where it is going. Anyone who reads this is welcome to ride the roller coaster with me. It is meant for those going through the same thing to see this through a different set of eyes. To help, it must be honest. I am hoping that I am getting a little closer to living a "new" normal life. It has to be a balance of accepting this disease and the prognosis, and then also forgetting about it and living life the way I was meant to live it. That is like how a job goes. Put all that you can into it while you are there, but put it away when you get home. Save the best for those that mean the most. These changes are hard to figure out somethimes. Getting cancer was the easy part, living with cancer is hard...

The last couple of days were supposed to be my "down" days after the latest course of chemo. The fatigue had increased with the last couple of doses, so I expected to be knocked down a little since the effects are cumulative. Suprisingly, I have felt pretty good and expect to have our home remodeling done and ready to move into by this week's end. Maybe the distraction was enough to get through it without anything major. I have been tired, but it was at the end of some pretty hard working days, so it was earned. We have been very lucky to have great family to look out after us and give us places to stay through this and a temporary home for our two dogs, Jelly and Lucky while we found a place and readied it. Our heartfelt thanks to all of our family and friends for their support. That said, there is no place like home, and we are looking forward to moving in and having our own place again. I will be getting a CT Scan on March 29th with a follow up doctor appointment on April 1. We will pray for continued results with the Taxotere and wish all of you our very best. All for now.

B.

Had Chemo IV today

I had my 4th chemo treatment today (every 3 weeks) and everything was pretty uneventful. During and after the treatment today though, I was hit by some substantial fatigue. Nothing a little laying around and a nap can't fix, but it was a noticeable change. The Doctor said after a bit the side effects don't increase in severity, but duration. So I will have another CT scan and blood work in 3 weeks to see how this treatment is going. I have also had some pain in my lower abdomen and bladder area that reminds me of when the cancer was growing before the chemo. I believe that it is due to the exertion being used to remodel and ready our house to move into. We have been working really hard and some of the physical aspects of it are things I have not done in awhile. The last CT was positive and that was only 3 weeks ago, so I truly am not too worried at this point. The last thing I will say to all that suffer from this and other cancers is to be responsible for your own treatment and stay informed, but try to acknowledge that this disease is not a car wreck that takes you in a blink. This is God's way of hopefully blessing you with a cure, but if not, Don't "Live your life like you are dying" as the country song goes, Live and love your life like you are living. Accept and deal with the trials when they need to be addressed. When nothing can be gained by living in that mess, go live with meaning. Mostly that can be accomplished by doing something for someone else to take your mind off of your issues. You would be amazed what others have battled through and won. The cancer might take your body, but don't give your mind and spirit even when the battle and the war is lost. We are meant to love and be charitable. That is what takes us out of our funk. If you are looking to help anyone, pick a prostate cancer research group. :)
B.

Birthday, etc

I celebrated my 41st birthday last week and had great times with family and some friends. Nothing wild and crazy, just some low-key visits. The 3rd round of Chemo was not too bad, but the fatigue effects have definitely increased with each cycle. It only hits for a day or two, about 6 or 7 days after the infusion, but it takes me down a bit. Luckily, just fatigue and not really any nausea. We have finally bought a house. It took awhile to make the decision with all of this, but it comes down to "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I've been told that by a few people including David Emerson. They are all correct. This is a chronic disease that the outcome and the timing are all uncertain. I owe my family and myself the opportunity to live my life with meaning and purpose. It gets very tiring looking over your shoulder all the time wondering if you have the right to make long term decisions. All decisions have to have merit. So we think about things we need, make sure that we can handle whichever direction that God points us in, and get going. I enjoy the scenery much more than I used to appreciate it, but that doesn't mean I have all day to stare at it! If your life lacks purpose, find some and put it in there! Other than that, all is well. The PSA dropped from 31 back down to 13 after 6 weeks of Chemo, so by the technical view, I have responded very well to treatment. Let's hope that continues for a good long while.

B.