Latest CT Scan

The PSA should come back tomorrow, but my bet is that it is in the range of where we were 6 weeks ago. The CT came back as "No significant changes to Feb 18th Scan". These are welcome words because they indicate that the chemo is keeping the lid on the cancer. It did not seem to decrease this time, but soft tissue and bones are stable as of today. I was a little surprised because I have had quite a bit more abdominal pain lately. I attribute it to the labor that we have had to do in remodeling our new home in St. Louis. The only concern is that it is not muscle aches in arms and my back, it is deeper abdominal and bladder pain that had been associated with a progressive disease a few months back. So the scan helped put my mind and my wife's mind at ease, a little, for now. Someone I know said his doctor appointments, while good lately, are like getting little 3 month slices each time the doctor says "No significant change". It is good news, but tempered with the thought of what lies over the next hill. That is why today was a little confusing for me. Undoubtedly good news, but not the exuberance of previous good news. No one knows when their time is up, and for some it happens suddenly. I feel fortunate that I have time, whatever the outcome, to try to understand this, put some things in place, and hopefully share some meaningful experiences to those that may have the misfortune to follow after me. Today, even with the good news, I am trying to accept that I have a reprieve for at least a few weeks before things progress. That is something we all fight for is a chance for a new treatment, maybe a cure, or maybe just a long enough delay to live a near normal length life. But the cancer robs the ability to live a normal life. It is many doctors appointments, side effects, pills, hair loss, injections, infusions, indignities, walking a line with everyone to maintain a regret-free existence, short term plans, etc. Those that know me will know that I am not complaining. This is my place to ponder and come to terms and decisions on where my life is and where it is going. Anyone who reads this is welcome to ride the roller coaster with me. It is meant for those going through the same thing to see this through a different set of eyes. To help, it must be honest. I am hoping that I am getting a little closer to living a "new" normal life. It has to be a balance of accepting this disease and the prognosis, and then also forgetting about it and living life the way I was meant to live it. That is like how a job goes. Put all that you can into it while you are there, but put it away when you get home. Save the best for those that mean the most. These changes are hard to figure out somethimes. Getting cancer was the easy part, living with cancer is hard...