MRI + PSA = : (

I had an MRI on Tuesday of this week and it shows that although they have been addressing the tumors in my abdomen as 2 individual tumors, it is very likely that it is one tumor. They described it as about the shape and size of a hand. It has invaded the bladder on one end and now covers about a third of the bladder. The other end is the end that is pressing against the rectal wall. They can't rule out that the tumor has started to invade the rectal wall, as well. That could be trouble because it potentially could perforate the bowel causing me to become septic. That is a long hospital stay with lots of antibiotics, and could be fatal. They compared it to an appendix bursting. The pain has become an issue. I can still hold it off with meds, but it is controlled relief morphine around the clock and hydrocodone or oxycodone when it flares up. We thought we were addressing only pain relief, but now it seems that it would not be prudent to wait and see what this tumor does. We are fortunate in that my pain is pretty much localized to that tumor and I don't have extreme pain in multiple areas. This means they can radiate the tumor and expect some relief. The unfortunate part is that I have had radiation in some of these areas already (last year) on my right hip and it is dangerous to re-radiate, especially the bowel. They are working on a plan to find a clear path and only radiate the tumor. I should know late next week what the final plan will be. Even though we still have a long way to go, the technology is amazing. On a med note, the MRI confirmed and the PSA added the exclamation point. The PSA went to 96 again. The Abiraterone and Predisone are ineffective for me now and the doctor took me off of them. We'll go with radiation now, and pursue the clinical trial for XL-184. My best to you all!!

B.

Please remember that September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. If you can donate, please go to www.pcf.org and look for the "Donate" tab in the top left box. Prostate Cancer and Breast Cancer statistics are very similar, yet the funding for PC is nowhere near where it needs to be. Let's take the fight to Prostate Cancer instead of letting it bring the battle to us. Another great way to show support is to change your porch lights to blue for the month. When the neighbors ask why, let them know. Hopefully they will follow suit and donate as well. We need all the help we can get to slow this disease down. Everything helps. God Bless all of you!!!

Brian.

To explain a bit...

My last post seems to have left some wondering if I had given up the fight. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even the timeframe given by the doctor is not much of a concern to me. There are as many variables as there are patients, and the doctors realize guessing a timeframe is like picking winning lottery numbers. My point was that sometimes in this battle, you know that this disease generally ends up winning eventually, with some exceptions, but you have to get some things said before it is time to say them. The wake up call for me is that I do have some important things to accomplish before I shuffle on. They all involve parenting like I am there, when I might not be. Videos and journals take a substantial amount of time, and while I have been working on them, this was a reminder that things can accelerate and I really don't know how much time I have. So it is time to get serious about serious things. Even if I went unrealistically optimistic and said 5 years, my son would be 18 and my daughter 16. There are a lot of things that a Dad needs to say to his kids after those ages. A more likely answered prayer might be 3 years, with my son 16 and daughter 14. Imagine what you might feel necessary to write or video for your children if you don't get a "live" conversation after that point. So, for me, it is time to celebrate Today, and know that I have a lot of work to do. I intend to do it to the best of my ability, and pray continuously for a miracle.

Love you all!

Brian.

Cliffhanger Resolution

I know that my last entry was a bit of a cliffhanger. To clear the rest of the story, my Doctor told me that it is likely that I have a year or less to live. This is based on the short amount of time that any treatment has been effective and the mostly ineffectiveness of the last few modalities. It is truly amazing how the mental progression of this disease brings about different perceptions and epiphanies. I guess it is similar to the steps of grief. Denial can go on for awhile, leave and come back. Anger is an occasional visitor, varying in intensity. Acceptance comes, but in stages and levels. Different depths. Usually with a little depression and anger thrown in to spice it up a bit. The Doctor did not volunteer this timeline. He even added the disclaimer that he is not, nor has ever been, in possession of a crystal ball. But we did not have to push very hard to get this prognosis. So now the philisophical question of "What would you do if you had 1 year to live?" becomes a little more interesting. First of all, it is a guess. Educated yes, but still a guess. So does this even change anything? Yes, and no. No because people outlive their prognosis on a daily basis. Yes because it knocks you back on your heels enough to require a fresh look at what you are doing and when the real last day comes, was it relevant and meaningful, to me. It has to be to me because at that point, the rough draft becomes the final draft, and there are no more re-writes. So secondly becomes, if this news is more or less accurate, how does my focus narrow to lock in on the meaningful and relevant? I am a planet that revolves around my family. That means going over financial, estate planning, and funeral plans. These things are important for any family with children, but my sense of urgency to complete them has grown. The bigger part of my family's needs must be met by postings like these and the journals that I keep for each of my children and my wife. I am working on videotapes of me explaining to my children my beliefs and values that I hold dear. Sometimes the written word isn't the best way to convey the love and hope that I have for them. Or the pride and joy that glows on my face when I talk to them or about them. That is what they need more than anything that I can tell them. My love for them is so intense and strong that it glows like a thousand suns when I speak to them and teach them. Mostly what news like that does is remind us all that we have a series of "Todays". Mine may be around 365, or so. Others may have even less. Hopefully all that read this will have many, many more. It isn't about how many we have, it is the blessing and responsibility of treating it for what it is. A gift from our Heavenly Father. If I wake up tomorrow truly thankful that I walk the earth for another day with my soulmate, marvel in the 2 beautiful children we are raising, acknowledge the love, the joy, the comfort, the fulfillment, the support, and the incredible peace that comes from all of those blessings, that is a pretty amazing day. I'll take as many as I can get. One Today at a time. After a bunch of Todays has come and gone, and it is time to go, my last minute will be with complete and utter certainty, my life was relevant and meaningful.

Latest CT and Labs

Well, the Abiraterone looked promising but now appears to be having a minimal effect. We will be talking to the Radiation Therapist to see if we can target the large tumor near my bladder. It showed an increase in size on the latest CT along with a number of enlarged lymph nodes in my abdomen. The doctor informed me that we will be looking at pain relief and quality of life treatments. Even though he will have the XL-184 trial in a few months, he feels that additional survivability is no longer the main, or most likely goal. He will continue to treat with whatever he can, but my lack of response to hormonal treatment, chemo, and other newer treatments leads us to the logical conclusion that we need a miracle now. I hope that we can find something to slow this train down or time will be shorter than I thought. That's all I can say today. Hope everyone understands.

B.

Even though it is still early in the process for Abiraterone and Predisone, the doctor ordered a PSA for last week. After 4 weeks on the new medicine, my PSA dropped from 98 to 63. That was welcome news. It looks like the new treatment is having an effect. We will have to see how long lasting and if it can drop the PSA even more! We went to 6 Flags today and mostly stayed in the water park since it was 95-100 degrees. The rest of the week promises more high temps. I felt good and was able to do everything I wanted to do. I am having a great summer so far and I hope that all of you are as well. I will meet with the doctor in 4 weeks with another round of blood work and a CT Scan. The hope is that we will have some measurable reductions in the tumors on the scan to correspond with the drop in PSA. My best to all of you!

B.

Doing Well

I have been on Abiraterone for about 2 weeks and seem to be tolerating it just fine. It is easier to take than Ketoconozale, even though it is similar. I take it just once a day on an empty stomach instead of 3 times daily and the Predisone that I take with it seems easier on my stomach than the Hydrocortisone that I took with the Keto. We have been to Six Flags a couple of times and have really been enjoying some active family time. I feel the fatigue a lot more than I used to, but still manage to do most of what I want. We have confined it to the water park so far, and avoided the theme park altogether. The kids will want that to change soon, I'm sure. I saw the Urologic Surgeon yesterday and he says that the stent in the kidney will cause more aggravation than help, so he is out of the picture for now. I will be back to see Dr. R, my oncologist, on July 15, but probably won't do any blood work until the middle of August. The pain in my right kidney and bladder is still there, but pain meds keep it under control most of the time. Hope all of you are having an active and enjoyable summer.

B.